Time: 08:50

Date: 12. 08. 2014.

Weather: Sunny, warm

Mood: Tired and demotivated because of the lack of sleep. Only three hours last night, but I managed to wake up at 5:00 AM still. It will take a week or two before I get used to this schedulle.

 

1. Rhythmic Breathing(10 minutes)

– Ok, I was suprised with how good my concentration was during this phase.

2. Relaxation Ritual

– Bad, I rushed and because I ate icecream and drunk milk before the exercise it was hard for me to relax completely.

3. Centering(10 minutes)

– Really, really bad. Today’s day was the worst. I lacked energy to focus and I was more off in my thoughts than I was thinking about the line. This is all because I’m tired, which makes me lazy. Disappointed.

– I also heard the dogs barking really loud so I had to get up to see if someone came to my house, but it was false alarm. They were scaring off neighbours, bastards. I turned this into a good thing, because I was concentrating I managed to notice that at the sound of trouble I felt fear(first I thought that the dogs are attacking each other) and I’ve noticed how my mind immediatelly invisioned the scene of the dogs fighting each other. I’ve noticed that I lost awareness of myself completely and that I was in a way obsessed with the possibility of danger. I tried to correct that next few times it happened(dogs were barking for the whole time I was meditating lol). It seems I’m finally getting to know my mind, since this is a pattern of behavior that probably repeats in other occassions. My mind must function something like this:

Awareness of self -> Possible danger that I can’t see -> Fear -> Loses awareness of self and starts imagining the possible outcome

I need to change that pattern into something more like this:

Awareness of self -> Possible danger that I can’t see -> Fear(obviously this is something I can’t control since its instinctual) -> Maintains awareness of self and remain calm and observant(I can change my reaction to my fear)