Fehu – Meditation VII

Date: 24. 09. 2014.

Time of waking up: 11:05 AM

– A mosquito disturbed my sleep completely last night. I woke up somewhere around 02:00 AM and could fall asleep again until 04:30 AM because of it.

Weather: Cloudy, windy

Health: Throat ache

Mood: Tired, since I fasted for a whole day. For the note, I haven’t ate anything since the dinner last night till 20:15 PM today.

 

Stadha (11:10 AM)

– Ok, feeling the energy more and more.

Rune Meditation (16:30 PM)

– Technical

It was great except the last 10 minutes when I lost my concentration and willpower. I lied down and spent the remaining time in that position.

– Content

I was thinking about the Fehu as food, and following that line of thought I came to the idea that the Fehu represents the whole material world because of the fact that anything can be used as a resource(since Fehu is about the cattle, and cattle is about the food = resources)

Mudra (17:45 PM)

– I’m almost feeling the Rune running through my hands.

Galdr (19:15 PM)

– Tired, so I wasn’t really concentrated. I slacked off.

Fehu – Meditation VI

Date: 23. 08. 2014.

Time of waking up: 07:00 AM

Dog was barking again, so I missed few hours of sleep again. I think I’m gonna shoot it or strangle it one day if this keeps on happening.

Weather: Cloudy, rain.

Health: Ok, my throat ache is getting better

Mood: Excellent

 

Stadha (07:05 AM)

– As usual, no big changes. It’s getting easier to feel my palms vibrating.

Rune Meditation (21:45 PM)

– Technical

Bad because I was tired. I spent half of the exercise in Asana and another half I spent lying down on my bed. That didn’t lessen my concentration though, but I still couldn’t resist from checking on how long do I have to sit. I looked twice at my clock.

– Content

This part was awesome.

I was tired but my concentration was good, so it was easy to get my mind relaxed and start getting hypnagogic imagery(aka visions) about this Rune.

I’ve seen Muspellheim and Surt, and I was ‘shown’ the relationship between the realm of Muspellheim and this Rune. Muspellheim is like the spring, or a source, and the Fehu is one of the rivers or streams which flow from it. If we used Cabalistic TOL as analogy – Muspellheim would be like a Sephira, and Fehu like a path attached to it. Probably a path between the Muspellheim and Midgard, or a connection between those two worlds. In the vision I also saw Muspellheim and Niflheim as the worlds that lie bellow Yggdrasil. I understood that they are primal, chthonic energies that lie behind everything we do.

Another interesting thing that happened was that I’ve seen an imagery of a fiery, black skeleton coming into my vision, walking right through some altar and putting some kind of a ball with the Fehu sign engraved on it. I felt the urge to take that ball and put it in my hearth but I resisted cause I didn’t really see that as a safe thing to do, or in my best interest. intuitively I felt like I’ve been provided with an option to become more status/money oriented person(more Fehu like) and I declined. Whether this is just my fantasy or something real that happened I’m not sure, but I was in a trance and all this happened outside of my conscious influence.

It’s noteworthy that on my sixth day of meditation, I’m starting to notice Fehu everywhere. In conversations, in life, in stories, in animals.. If I did this for a month, I’d probably become obsessed with it!

Mudra (03:40 AM, 24. 08. 2014. – I woke up in the middle of the night because of a mosquito)

– I almost skipped this exercise(had a lot of stuff to do today and I was badly organized), but since mosquito interrupted my sleep(I hunted the bastard for almost 2 hours) I figured I might as well perform it.

Galdr (23:00 PM)

– Did the exercise right before I went to bed. Wish that these exercises were more interesting, I get bored easily and then my concentration drops. I’m not satisfied with how I did galdr today.

————————

Since its Saturday, I’m supposed to do the pathworking for this Rune, but my day was tiring and its late already. I’ll leave that for tomorrow.

Fehu – Meditation V

Date: 22. 08. 2014.

Time of waking up: 09:40 AM (couldn’t sleep because of the neighbors dog, so I stayed longer in bed in order to catch up.)

Weather: Sunny, but windy

Health: Throat ache, few symptoms of a cold(when are these going to back off?!)

Mood: Depressed/lazy

 

Stadha (09:45 AM)

– Called the Rune 9 times. If my concentration is good, I can feel my palms vibrating while I’m calling out the Rune.

Rune Meditation (20:15 PM)

– Technical

Much better than yesterday. I was less fidgety and irritated, and I could sit till the end of it. My concentration was almost non-existent for the last 10 minutes though and I couldn’t hold back from watching the clock for time twice.

– Content

I was mostly occupied with the bad aspect of this Rune when I formulated the thought that the “cattle” actually represents the life itself. I understood this after I’ve realized that cattle means money and money is something we usually translate into other, different experiences.

How much money we have is in direct proportion with how many different experiences we can have(or buy), thus this Rune is all about BREADTH of life. More money = greater diversity of things we can experience. Not having enough money usually means we have less freedom to choose our experiences. Less power. And that is what this Rune is about – at its best, Fehu provides Freedom, Power and Options. It will allow us to experience life at fullest, but only if we remember that money and power are means by which we can live life more fully – they are not the ends in themselves.

Seeing that Fehu is all about acquiring breadth of experience, it’s easy to see that E. Thorsson was right about Fehu being the primal expanding force. Greed and Hunger are great motivators, they will always push us to go for more.

At the Ragnarok, the Norse end of the world – Wolves even devour the sun and the moon. They know no boundaries.

Mudra (11:45 AM) ; (15:30 PM)

– Did this exercise twice, since I skipped it yesterday. It was cool, I’m currently find it easier and easier to visualise this Rune in its hand position. The associations have formed.

Galdr (21:30 PM)

– Right before I went to bed. My concentration seems better.

Fehu – Meditation IV

Date: 21. 08. 2014.

Time of waking up: 09:30

– I got drunk with my friends last night, totally unexpected. The idea was to go out on “just one beer”, but that got out of hand quickly lol. I came home somewhere around 02:30, wasted. While I did say “no to drinking”, this gave me lots of new positive energy for meditations, and the experience served as a kind of refresh despite the fact that the whole day I was tired and in a ”recovery” mode.

Weather: Sunny, but cold and windy. There was a storm last night.

Health: Groggy, my throat is still sore! Had a headache throughout the whole day.

Mood: I felt really good throughout the whole day, remembering the last night. I also did my running training despite the headache, and that boosted the good feelings to the next level.

 

Stadha (13:10 PM)

– Baaad, I was super-tired!

Rune Meditation (19:30 PM)

– Technical

Really, really bad! I didn’t want to do it to be frank, I just wanted to lie down and sleep. I still did it thought, altought I was one lazy, irritable bastard.

Relaxation was ok, and even the centering but after I switched to the Rune-meditation I couldn’t sit streight for 5 minutes at start and I was constantly changing positions. Finally I was calm and in one position(though, not in my regular asana) for 10 minutes, but that quickly became irritable too so I lied down. Then I lost my concentration and the rest of my meditation could be defined as “me waiting to hear the sound of the timer”.

– Content

For those 10 minutes I’ve managed to stay still, my concentration was actually good. I had ideas flashing, images, and my mind was really relaxed and creative. A lot of the imagery was related to my previous experience with the Rune and its kinda hard to nail down and describe here so I won’t be doing it but its important to mention that I’ve found the connection between this Rune and the people from India, Gypsies and Big Corporations.

Why India? Why Gypsies? In my current view, both Indian people and Gypsies are poor, lack education, very superstitious etc. (Not sure about India, since I lack personal experience with them and I have only heard from other people and media that they are like that, but for Gypsies I’m sure, since in my country they are the bottom of society and I dealt with them a lot in the past. Though there are a few exceptions, most of them are just like this. Their consciousness is very basic, very Fehu like. They are drawn to gold, money, and shiny things that they see as status representing. They have no problems cheating, stealing in order to fulfuill their goals. They lack work-ethics(or any ethics to be frank) and are largly uneducated.

To me, that base-line conciousness is one of the darker aspects of this Rune.

Mudra:

– Didn’t do it today since I was too tired. I’ll do this exercise twice tomorrow.

Galdr:

– It was ok, did it few minutes right before I went to sleep. I’m kinda suprised that I haven’t still dreamt about this Rune

Fehu – Meditation III

Date: 20. 08. 2014.

Time of waking up: 07:30 AM

-My neighbor’s dog was barking all night and I could hardly sleep because of it. He stopped barking at the early morning hours, so in order to get some rest I let myself over sleep for a few hours.

Weather: Sunny, warm. Windy..

Health: Sore throat.

Mood: Anxious and irritable in the morning, but after my cycling training I felt really good during the rest of the day.

Stadha(07:35 AM)

-Low concentration

Rune Meditation (11:35 AM)

– Technical

Complete Disaster.

My relaxation, centering and the Rune-part were all terrible. I had trouble concentrating, staying still etc. My legs hurt while I was sitting in Asana more than the last few days, and I was extremely irritable. I glanced at the clock 3 times while meditating, and during the last 10 minutes I almost didn’t think about the Rune at all.

The only good thing was my mantra, and that is because it was running through my mind on an auto-pilot so it didn’t need any effort from me.

I was bored to be frank. I forgot how exhausting this shit can be.. I should do something fun these days so I don’t overburn myself with this meditation business.

– Content

No new insights. That is – during the meditation. I’ve had one good realization before I went to bed last night, and another while I was riding my bicycle today.

The one I had last night was about my fight with Fr. S ; The thing that got between our friendship was an ego, both mine and his. The conflict was all about social position and status, and while at the fundamental level don’t think anything bad about him(and I believe that the same thing is with him) its impossible to get over this banal issue(its private, and no point into going into details here). despite the fact that the  much more important things that we used to share still exist.

I’m bringing this up because the whole ego, status thing is actually Fehu. That is what is meant by “Fehu is the source of discord among kinsman”. Its important to remember though, that the discord itself is not Fehu, but its covered by Thurisaz Rune. Fehu is just the source of it.

This line of thinking got me to associating arrival of discord with the arrival of a local, south-eastern wind called “Koshava”, for which is said that it ”brings troubles”, so I suggest that this wind is also in the domain of Fehu.

EDIT: Figured out that Koshava should be attributed to Thurisaz.. Not Fehu. 

The idea I had while I was riding a bicycle today was that Fehu is connected to modern Industry, and the whole hunt for oil and other resources in the world. It is tempting to think that Fehu are those resources, but I’m not sure about this. I’m pondering “Othila”(heritage) might be the Rune by which they are represented. In that case Fehu is only the gold hunger that lies behind massive exploitation of them and disregard for the health of our planet.

Mudra(18:30 PM)

– Its getting easier to visualize the Rune in my hand. My concentration was bad, and my chanting was somewhat weak, devoid of power.

Galdr:

– Will do it right before the sleep. If anything of notice happen I’ll enter it here.

Fehu – Meditation II

Just a note before an actual entry.

This post might be somewhat messy and that is because I don’t have the time to polish it and proof-read it. This probably won’t be a one time occurrence and it’ll happen many times while I’m doing this course.

Therefore, I decided that even if I write these posts in a rough state right after I do my meditations, I’ll polish them on Sundays since I have much more free time during the weekend.

Date: 19. 08. 2014.

Time of waking up: 06:15 AM

I got a stomach ache in the middle of the night and I had to go to the bathroom – the diarrhea issue made sure that I don’t get out of it during the next 45 minutes, so I slept an hour longer to catch up on the lost sleep time.

Weather: Sunny

Health: Stomach problems throughout the whole day, few minor cold symptoms(my throat is sore)

Mood: tired/slightly depressed because of my current life circumstances.

Stadha(06:15)

– It was ok. I feel that this practice sets the atmosphere of my whole day, when its being done in the morning.

Rune Meditation

– Technical

Highlights are the relaxation and the Rune-meditation, because my concentration was great during each of them. I also noticed that my visualization of the Rune is getting more stable and somewhat more self-sustaining; it takes less effort to hold it in my thought, and the same thing happened with the mantra. Yesterday I was wrestling with it, but today it was ”spinning” almost naturally.

Centering was somewhat bad, because I was impatient to get to the Rune-part. Gotta keep that lust for result in check.

– Content

Jackpot! It’s not that I had many new ideas about Fehu, as much as it’s like the older ones got clarified and deepened.

I thought about how Fehu is actually life, but then I realized that Fehu is not the life that is led by a conscious, free individual but the life of a person who is dependent on others. The life we live before we move out from our parents house. Shelter restrains us.

It’s a life within the family, and it is also a type of life that people who can’t manage to find their place in the world live, those who are dependent of others. Some examples would be beggars, drunkards..

Poor.

Fehu represents life without aspirations. Once person gets ”individualized”, self-reliant and lives a life in which he is pursing his own goals and has his own ideas, thinks his own thoughts – that is the Life as its meant to be Lived, and that type of Life is embodied in the Raido-Rune which is a Rune of Journey.

That made me realize that Fehu is in a lot of ways Rune of dependency. We depend on so much things. Food, Water, Sleep.. MONEY is what makes all of these possible, so in a way we are enslaved to it. The Devil card from Tarot illustrates this perfectly. We live in material world. We are from the material world. There is no way around it, so why not make peace with this fact?

Fehu provides freedom to those who accept it. We should fall in love with the money, and not resent it. It’s a medium by which our personal power is tested and expressed in this world.

Money(Fehu) separates wheat from the chalk – those who fail to grasp this lesson stay trapped in it. Those who get it, move on and enjoy what it brings to them – such is the nature of this Rune.

Having all this in mind, I naturally associated the Fehu with Capitalism and Consumerism. The spirit of those times/movements is the spirit of this Rune.

Mudra: (20:00 PM)

– Performed it. I realized that I can somewhat ”project” the energy from the hand by chanting the name.

“Feeee-“; I feel the energy in my hand, feel the Rune in it, KNOW that it’s in there.

“-huuuu”; Feel the energy move out of hand to the object in front of it(this time I sent it to the altar)

Galdr:

– Haven’t performed it yet, but I’ll do it right before the sleep. This seems like a best time for it.

Fehu – Meditation I

Date: 18. 08. 2014.

Time of waking up: 07:10 AM(my alarm didn’t ring, so I overslept a little)

Weather: Sunny, though little cold for summer. Sign that the autumn is arriving.

Health: Few cold symptoms, but nothing serious. My tooth aches, and my throat is sore.

Mood: Sleepy

Stadha(07:10)

– Assumed the Stance of Fehu(as described in f.u.th.a.r.k. by Thorsson), and chanted slowly the Rune name 9 times while imagining money and gold flowing through me. I strove to feel like I AM this Rune and I was running through associations in my mind, remembering what Fehu is all about.

Rune Meditation(12:30 PM)

– Technical:

Did the rhythmic breathing for 5 minutes, then switched to relaxation and centering exercise which I also did for 5 minutes before I switched to contemplating the Rune.

That also went fine and I stayed in my Asana for 35 minutes(5 minutes of centering, 30 minutes of the Runework). After the first 25 minutes past, I started fidgeting and moved my hands for the first time. My concentration dropped considerably at that point and I felt mental-fatigue.

– Content:

My attention today was mostly occupied by the Rune-poems I was chanting. The first one goes like this:

“Money is a comfort to everyone / though every man ought / to deal it out freely / if he wants to gain approval / from the lord”
(Anglo-Saxon Rune Poem)

I was reminded that this is the stance of the Rune on how the money should be handled. It is not meant to be held still, it is meant to move freely between people. One shouldn’t hoard money(or any other things), and be selfish.

This is probably a lesson in attachment, which is represented by this Rune. Worldly things are meant to be enjoyed, but one should always expect that things will change, cause this is the way of Life and Life is one of the connotations this Rune brings up.

Thus Fehu is the direct opposite of Isa, which means stasis/lack of change. That is true death, not Eihwaz.

I had some ideas about the third poem as well:

“Wealth is a source of discord amongst kin
and fire of the sea
and path of the serpent.”

(Old Icelandic Rune Poem)

In my earlier meditations, often have I romantically assumed that “path of the serpent” has something to do with Kundalini, and I never really understood what does “fire of the sea” really means.

Today I realized that these verses have a lot to do with the Vikings and their gold quests. “Fire of the sea” is most probably a kenning for the sea conquests they were making, as for the “path of the serpent”..

Its their ships! They have a serpent/dragon shape, so now that I’m reminded of them – it seems obvious. I just don’t know how I haven’t figured that out before.

The poems aside, I also realized made the connection in my mind between the gold coins and sun – aren’t they of similar shape? I got that by “Aurum Solis”(Gold-Sun) popping into my mind, which is a name of the magical order that works withing a GD type of system.

Mudra(around 16:00 PM)

– Did it, though I changed the way I said I’d do it. Instead of chanting poems, I chanted the name of the Rune since I didn’t feel anything while going through Rune-poems, and vibrating the name of this Rune while focused on my hands produced a tingling, vibrating feeling in them.

Galdr:

– Off to do it right before sleep. If anything noticeable happens, I’ll edit the post tomorrow morning and add it here.

The new post I’ve promised!

Well, I stated in my last post that I will be providing the list of the practices that I’ll undertake during the following six-months, so here it is:

The Method

ReSTART – Days 10, 11, 12, 13 and 14

I wasn’t updating my practice here since I needed time to accustom to my new sleep and working schedule + this was only the preparatory phase which I didn’t took too seriously, so I allowed myself to slip a few days without journaling. Everything is going nicely and I’m better at relaxing and centering than I was when i started.

I’m starting with the Rune-meditations tomorrow and the journaling will thus become a critical part of this program from now on. It will serve as an anchor to all those thoughts, insights and ideas that meditations will induce.

I also decided that it would be wiser to do the program from the beginning(Fehu to Othila) instead of just resuming the On/Off “schedule” I was following for the last few years. This program will therefore last SIX Months and I’ll dedicate a week for working with the each Rune.

In the next post I’ll provide the list of the additional practices and just overall the complete schedule of my Rune-work that I intend to follow.

ReSTART – Day 9

Time: 08:50

Date: 12. 08. 2014.

Weather: Sunny, warm

Mood: Tired and demotivated because of the lack of sleep. Only three hours last night, but I managed to wake up at 5:00 AM still. It will take a week or two before I get used to this schedulle.

 

1. Rhythmic Breathing(10 minutes)

– Ok, I was suprised with how good my concentration was during this phase.

2. Relaxation Ritual

– Bad, I rushed and because I ate icecream and drunk milk before the exercise it was hard for me to relax completely.

3. Centering(10 minutes)

– Really, really bad. Today’s day was the worst. I lacked energy to focus and I was more off in my thoughts than I was thinking about the line. This is all because I’m tired, which makes me lazy. Disappointed.

– I also heard the dogs barking really loud so I had to get up to see if someone came to my house, but it was false alarm. They were scaring off neighbours, bastards. I turned this into a good thing, because I was concentrating I managed to notice that at the sound of trouble I felt fear(first I thought that the dogs are attacking each other) and I’ve noticed how my mind immediatelly invisioned the scene of the dogs fighting each other. I’ve noticed that I lost awareness of myself completely and that I was in a way obsessed with the possibility of danger. I tried to correct that next few times it happened(dogs were barking for the whole time I was meditating lol). It seems I’m finally getting to know my mind, since this is a pattern of behavior that probably repeats in other occassions. My mind must function something like this:

Awareness of self -> Possible danger that I can’t see -> Fear -> Loses awareness of self and starts imagining the possible outcome

I need to change that pattern into something more like this:

Awareness of self -> Possible danger that I can’t see -> Fear(obviously this is something I can’t control since its instinctual) -> Maintains awareness of self and remain calm and observant(I can change my reaction to my fear)